You get to Minute Maid Park. You wait on line to get a beer or an upside down small batting helmet with ice cream. You look forward to snapping peanut shells without having to clean up. Then you sit down and wonder "why is Russ Ortiz pitching?"

Brian Moehler got blasted out of the game before many of the Astros fans had a chance to settle into their seats. Ortiz wasn't much better. How can a team possibly hit five home runs and still get blown out? That's a rhetorical question, by the way. A caller asked why Brandon Backe is still on the team. Hey, you need all the pitching you can get. Moehler currently has an ERA of 37.80.

With the Masters starting up we had a question on the show about whether Golf is a sport or a game. The bottom line is it doesn't matter. We all agree that Golf is extremely difficult no matter what you call it. Being in better shape helps but when Angel Cabrera can beat Tiger head to head in a major while chain smoking I'll go ahead and call it a game.

With the Spurs losing to Portland and Tim Duncan looking like he's in need of a bionic limb, the Rockets have a golden opportunity to finish third in the west and avoid the Lakers in the second round. Considering the lack of first round success that's like you saying you'll make a play for Halle Berry after you break up with Anne Hathaway. You can't concern yourself with the second item until you take care of the first.

Forget about the Masters. I'm supposed to play golf with Matt Schaub today. Don't worry, I'll make sure he's not in the path of any of my potentially wayward shots.